if you’d like to “see” the track, learn more about nauseness then watch this bullshit: (But the above is more worthy of your time)

Fathers day arrived early it seems.

It’s a fridge.

There’s no redbull in it, it’s filled with enough beer to kill a small horse. Said beer shall be no more before tomorrow night.

Sven > small horse.

Following my previous post with the epic thug mask scare action we continue with a more sedate windup on the local sandwich shop. Paul was an acting legend, and how it does it with a straight face is beyond me.

Sorry the radio is a bit loud, I did start adding subtitles but quickly got bored.

It’s got some real funnies.

Turn your speakers up.

There will be more, click “subscribe for email updates” so you don’t miss out!

So I noticed the news report yesterday of a female quizzed over child abuse allegations. Today she was officially charged and they released her name as Vanessa George.

A colleague googled her name and the second result was a facebook profile by a woman of the same name (Update: I’m told it’s not the same woman, and she changed the picture. A copy of what it was is below. It not being the same woman she was very unlucky to have that picture on her facebook, and come up second for the google result!).

I hope it’s not her profile, if so her profile image is rather sickening!

[Carrying on from my last post where I explain why I was escorted from a dance school for filming my own children]

So the minority spoil it for the majority. But why?

Let’s drill some numbers, according to this report out of every 100,000 people in Sussex 42 are sex offenders.

A sex offender could be anything, a flasher, a rapist as well as a nonce 

But a sex offender can also be as ridiculous as a 13 year old boy or a man who had ’sex’ with a mountainbike.

I’m going to be generous, and assume half of the sexual offenders in Sussex are paedophiles, or in otherwords 21/100,000 or indeed one out of nearly five thousand people (1/4,761).

At a rough guess there were probably 15 parents/adults in the audience at the dance show I attended. So what are the chances of there being a paeophile?

It’s as HIGH as 0.003% (yes, quick grab your pitchforks and burning torches!) The club would need to run one show almost everyday for an entire year before there was one paedophile present. (317 shows before statistically you encounter a paedophile!) I’m guessing there’s 4 shows a year, so EIGHTY years before there’s one peadophile in the audience.

Please tell me it’s not just me that finds this whole thing a joke.

Yes that’s right! Well done! There’s more chance of the entire audience being struck by lightning (probably, I made this up).

Oh wait, half the audience at least were female….And not everybody was filming….So we’re close to what? Naught point naught naught naught naught naught naught….Oh the numbers don’t even matter anymore. The chance is so pathetic of anyone with any vile intentions even being there.

So why am I punished?

Why the public hysteria?

Why the gaggle of parents yelling at me?

Why the hell was one of them in tears?

Why anything.

Carry on reading the daily mail.

Carry on being scared.

Carry on poisoning the relationship between adults and children.

Carry on creating stupid laws that only harm the law abiding decent citizen.

All this whilst the actual paedophiles go about their daily business.

Well done.

I wont even begin to tell you what happened today, and what further deceipt I’ve been told (all in the name of protecting our children.)

YES.

My children take dancing lessons, they love it. They loved nothing more than being seen “on tv” after I filmed it for the dance studio several months ago. They loved nothing more than showing granny and grandad their exploits.

This is why I was bemused upon a recent trip to the same dance studio to be tapped on the shoulder and told “sorry, you can’t film”.

During the interval I questioned the manager as to why. She more than once informed me it was “child protection laws”. Further into the conversation I was incensed to hear her inform me “how do I know you’re not a paedophile?” I was told, “we don’t make the rules, we’d love to film too”.

I was further belittled and informed, “I can’t believe how ignorant you’re being”.

Let me just make this absolutely clear. I’m turning my camera on for three minutes out of the ninety minute show that my kids are dancing, I’m only filming my own two children and their small parts. The children are all fully clothed throughout the performance.

Incensed!

Every father with a camera is a paedophile nowadays, is that it? I wonder if I had been female if I would have been demonised in the same way.

So during the interval I contacted some people I know who work in childcare, and I managed to do a couple of google searches on my phone.

Guess what? There is no such law. Indeed a five month old Telegraph article entitled “There is no law against photographing children” details a similar story to my own.

I rang the Home Office. They assured me that there is no law against taking photographs of other people’s children, provided you do not harass or harm them. Next, I rang the Health and Safety Executive, where a long-suffering press officer confirmed this. “It’s the sort of mad idea that over-zealous managers are always making up,” he told me sorrowfully. “And we get the blame.”

There’s an older article on BBC news dealing with school plays/sports days entitled “Parents’ right to film children” - a government body actually advising schools NOT to stop parents filming their children, as long as it is for personal use.

Eager to get an apology I waited behind after the show armed with my new found information. She changed her story. Now telling me there is no law but there are guildelines for these things, governing bodies that don’t allow any filming.

Nonsense. I can find no such evidence for any such guidelines, laws or even recommendations!

She was quick to inform me there were children in care, and children she fostered that were not allowed to be photgraphed under different guidelines - I can’t find evidence for this either.

Worse still I was escorted from the premises and told I wasn’t welcome again, only because I disagreed with them!

One nil to the thought police!

Curiously this is after my wife has spent the last two weeks making hundreds of costumes for the upcoming shows and after our unconditional support over the last couple of years! Furthermore I’m confused as to what has changed in the last few months, why were we allowed to film at the last event and not this one?

I could go on, and I will. Upon leaving the venue I was set upon by an entire mothers meeting. Incensed yelling at me, how dare I break the “law”.

What fucking law? And they call me ignorant? There’s was no talking to these people, nobody could cite the said “laws” or quote any section of any act. I gave up and left.

All I wanted to do was save some cherished memories of my kids doing what they enjoy.

Course that’s all the paedophiles do these days, run around filming fully clothed school plays for their gratification?

Let’s not teach children that they should be afraid of all adults, to echo Ms Lewis “poisoning the relationship between generations”.

I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and this is all a joke.

Mini Update

Day 1 entailed 600 miles after three hours sleep, the long road to Geneva. First time I’ve been in bed at 9pm in a long time…..12 hours sleep later….

Mountains to Milan!

Day 2 In Milan, very pretty. Might stay here a day. Hmmmm

Some photos for your amusements.

Milan is Pretty

I’m not a follower of football, at all, but apparantly THIS is a bad idea.

Afterwards an old guy spotted him and commented “Careful, they’ll catch you”….

Some LOVELY bits in the Alps, more to come….

Finally, I love this photo. It’s my favourite. Taken “on the move” (which if you’re my mother means at the side of the road). The photo is mostly crap, but i love zooming on the reflection. It encompassed it all, the long piece of tarmac ahead…My buddy on his bike, the mountains, me, the view….Atlas rider has a much better flavour of this type of photo which he won an award for. 

This is the route, probably a little ambitious certainly for day one - 510 miles (rest of the days are sub 250)….I’ve done it in the car in one stint….but it was a loooong drive.

Brighton > Dover > Calais > Geneva > Milan > Strasbourg > Luxembourg > Calais > Dover > Calais

Not a single hotel booked, the route will probably change. We don’t care, just a couple of bikes and the roads (and plenty of rain by the looks of things, SHIT!)

Looking forward to getting into the mountains!

Oh god, who’s idea was this?

To make matters worse we have to be up at 4am. FOUR AM? I didn’t know there were two four o clocks in one day. And we’re going via the tunnel - It’s only a matter of time before the durkahs blow that up  we all know how much I love the tunnel.

Anyway, enough moaning It’s gonna be fun, RIGHT?

____

Shame the Stelvio Pass is closed

We did the barber’s in the other video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiWe5D8-1SA ) but poor Simon wasn’t working, so we had to go back for another go.

Simon (or Steven as he is apparently now known) was told earlier by one of the other barbers that

“I shagged this girl at the weekend, apparently her feller is a bit of a nutter….I told her my name was Simon, sorry”

Virtual High Five!